My Why. Part 1.
May 06, 2020
I was sick and tired of feeling “sick and tired”. I was exhausted and giving my energy to everyone else. I had no time to spend doing the things that gave me joy.
I lost multiple people close to me and the words my grandmother said before she passed away rang in my ears “live your life now… don’t wait”.
Seeing so many others in my industry try to start a family, and be unable too (juggle both), repeatedly made me frustrated and unable to see the light at the end of the tunnel. What was it that I truly wanted?
I felt trapped with student loan debt, a mortage, and other bills. It felt like I would never end and I was exhausted….
Don’t get me wrong, I was grateful…. in my 20s, yes I was making six figures and living comfortably… but was I really? I had kidney stones multiple times (probably from all the unhealthy energy drinks and diet), I felt nauseous, tired, and sick everyday… I had a Vitamin D deficiency and I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism.
I wasn’t even 30 yet and my body, mind, and my spirit were tired….
I read the book “The Four Hour Work Week” by Tim Ferris and everything changed for me…. my perspective on everything, with just one sentence. If you were to lose your job today, you would figure it out. I don’t know why, but just reading this rocked my world. I had put in my all for the last 10 years into my job and my career, but what did I really have left over… not the kind of like that I wanted to live.
It made me reevaluate things…. you know what, I stopped feeling stuck, because no matter what, I would “figure it out”. I drew an invisible line in the sand, that everything moving forward when it related to my career, would have to be something that allowed me to have a good balance….. I left my career at one company and joined another, but after only a few months, the work life balance moved in the opposite direction and I did not have the flexibility or joy that I desired. I met some amazing people, but this is not where I was meant to be.
Shortly after being diagnosed with hypothyroidism (again, feeling exhausted, depressed and tired), I went on trip with my Mom. She was doing a glass art fashion show (I know, it sounds crazy right?) in New York. After traveling and spending time with her and my sister and coming up for air from work…. I decided, this was it. I could not go back to work one more day, without putting in my two weeks notice.
I was tired. I was done. I was miserable, depressed, unhappy, and felt a pull… this life was not for me. I didn’t have all the answers and yet I knew… that everything was going to be okay. I put in my two weeks, finished them out and took an entire month off. Within the next 6 months, I started my own business (a cleaning business that I could run remotely… I learned how on reddit, lol), ended a 5 year long relationship, and started renting out rooms in my house to Princeton University off-campus housing to help with house expenses. I called my student loan companies and deferred my student loans wherever I could and I worked backwards when figuring out how much I needed to make in my business each month…. It became like a game.
Not having a consistent paycheck was scary, however it was also amazing what happened… I became so incredibly appreciative and grateful for the “little” things. I paid attention to more things, I spent less frivolously, and I began to get excited when clients would start to book…. Like ELATED with joy.
I was finally building something myself, with my own two hands and mind. The success of the business, was my success and it fueled my passion to work hard to move things forward.
....to be continued
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